Trapped.

Sometimes I look around at all the stuff I have and think of how blessed I really am. I wonder why, with all the pain and suffering and need around the world, I am sitting here in my college house with a car sitting out in the driveway, a cell phone, heating/air conditioning, clothes, and a refrigerator full of food. Why am I so blessed?

I am reading this book called "With Justice for All" by John Perkins, a man who has had a huge impact on urban ministry. He has a true heart for the poor. Meeting the needs of the poor and then sharing the gospel with them. Just like Jesus. To do this, he says, we must go and live in community with the people we are ministering to. Perkins states, "Jesus relocated. He didn't commute to earth one day a week and shoot back up to heaven. He left His throne and became one of us so that we might see the life of God revealed in Him." Perkins also says that if we are missing the point that Jesus makes about "the least of these" then we are missing the gospel.

As I'm reading this book it is becoming quite evident to me how passionate Perkins is about ministering to the poor. For some reason, this just doesn't hit my heart in the same way. This sounds selfish but I'm just being honest. I don't know if it's because I am missing something, but I guess I don't have this burning desire to go and minister to the poor and to "the least of these." This bothers me.

And then I'm sitting in my house the other day watching 'American's Next Top Model.' I never really watch t.v. and this show quickly reminded me why I don't. As the show went on I began to get really angry. Angry because of how accurately this show represents our culture. Make up. Materialistic. Selfish. Superficial. Oblivious. Did I mention selfish?

More than anything, this show opened my eyes even more to the bubble that I live in. We don't want to deal with anything, so we have all these magic remedies for everything and anything. Take this pill. Drink this. Buy those clothes. Put on this make-up. Go on this diet. We just cover everything up until we are so covered-up that we don't even know ourselves anymore. We just become numb to everything. And apathetic.

So...back to what Perkins said about ministering to the poor and, in essence, what Jesus did while He was here on earth. I think that I don't have the same passion that Perkins has because I am so freaking oblivious to what is going on in the world around me. I have this made-up idea that everyone on earth lives the way that I do. I need to wake up because I am only part of a small percentage of people that lives in the excess that I know. I am very uneducated about what is going on in the world around me. This is my fault. It is also my fault because of what my culture has taught me. Here's a quick fix...just take this and the pain/hurt/suffering will go away. If it comes back...just take some more. Unfortunately, I've bought into this and I am now caught in this bubble. A bubble that allows me to think of the world how I want to think of it, rather than as it truly is. A bubble that I can't see out of, but other's can see in. A bubble that makes me feel safe.

As I mentioned before, I often sit in my little bubble and question why I am so blessed. Why do I get to have all of this great stuff? Why do I have money and food and clothes and a house and a car? Why am I so blessed?

Jesus says that, "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven." Dang. Guess who that 'rich man' is? It's us. It's me. It's you. It's our culture.

Inside of this little bubble of ours, we stockpile so much 'stuff.' Because of our selfishness and stupidity we think that we are the ones that are blessed. We need to get over ourselves. That 'rich man' is us. I don't want to be the rich man. I want to be humbled. I want my eyes to be opened. But I keep covering everything up with 'stuff.'

What makes me think I am the one that is blessed? The more I think about it the more I realize that I am not the one who is blessed. If anything, I am in more need than I can even realize because I am in my own way.