Come to the water's edge.

The more people I meet and talk to the more clear it becomes to me. I listen to endless stories of lives burdened with confusion, family issues, negative self-images, depression, death, drugs, addiction, loneliness....whatever it is, there is always something. We are all different. Yet...we are all the same. Hurt. 

Sometimes I wonder at what point in life we lose our eager, naive, childish joy of life to join the masses of selfish, searching-for-more adults. When does that happen? I know we are all sinful but, I feel like the life gets sucked out of all of us at some point. Like, do we wake up one morning and realize how messed up our world is? and realize how much it has messed us up?

So I'm looking at all these faces. There's always a story. I don't care how good the 'mask' is. Always a story. 

I want to tell each of these faces that their story is very important. And that hurt can turn into REST. Why do I want to tell them this? Because this is what Jesus tells us: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11: 28-30)

But...what the heck is "rest"?

If anything, my heart is restless. Restless over this messed up world. Story after story after story, (whether it's the person sitting across from me at Starbucks or a child halfway across the world), is just filled with hurt. So please, tell me what the crap "rest" is. 

And I thought about it. And I don't know if this is right but this is what I think...

Paul talks about the chaos within our hearts and says we will be "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing" (2 Corinthians 6:10). I've already talked about this "sorrow" enough, we know it's everywhere around us. But this "rejoicing"...this is what our rest is. Beyond all the destruction and loneliness in our world we have an inner peace. The peace that tells us that this is not about us. The peace that tells us we are free. The sin is here but it no longer burdens us. We literally "die" to the world meaning that we die to everything in it. We are given a new heart that still hurts...but now can be healed. We will ultimately have eternal rest, but we also have rest here and now. I like the way one of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning, writes it: "Home is not a heavenly mansion in the afterlife, but a safe place right in the midst of our anxious world."

Jesus' yoke is "easy" because he is the one carrying it for us. It doesn't mean life is perfect. Like I said, it means our hurting can now be healing. 

Someday we won't know the meaning of "hurting" anymore. Until then...let's all just chill and live in a Love that is stronger than our fear of everything being out of control. 

How to save a life.

In his book, Teaching to Change Lives, Howard Hendricks writes, "By His grace, the Holy Spirit has developed in me an incurable confidence in his ability to change people." I have this same, unwavering confidence that no one is beyond redemption...that is, God's redeeming love. It has the power to change people like I've never seen before.

Have you ever seen a life change? I mean TRANSFORMED....from the inside out. Yes, I know that God changes people everyday. Not everyone sees or experiences it, however, because we are usually too wrapped up in our own selfishness. Over the last few months I have seen a life broken and then picked up to be transformed by our Maker. Amazing. And I would like to share this story with you...

First, let me tell you that this person gave me permission to share part of her story. We are going to call her "Angel." Not her real name but I stole it from a book I recently read, so just roll with it. I am sharing her story with you because of what God has taught me through her. But more on that later.

Angel was like most of us...broken, confused, and searching. The only problem was, she thought she had it figured out. She thought she was content with "everything in moderation," giving parts of her life to God, but keeping the rest for herself. It's often hard for us to see that when we keep things from God we are limiting Him. We are telling Him, "Sorry, this is too big for you...I got this." This allows us to justify things that we know are wrong. It ultimately pushes us further and further away until we aren't sure where we are or where we came from.

Well, that's what happened to Angel. She was tearing herself apart...making a mess of who she was created to be. She found herself so far from God that she couldn't even recognize her own face in the mirror...all she saw was darkness. It seemed as if life had lost meaning and she was trying to fill the void. With what? A lifestyle that was destructive, unfulfilled, and willing to do anything. Anything other than God. Pick whatever you want, though, we all do it. I look at myself and I see her in me. The brokenness manifests itself differently in my life than in hers...but it's all the same, for all of us. It's ironic that the only thing that can and will save us is the very thing we refuse to run to. Instead, we run away. Actually, it's not ironic. It's SELFISH.

Angel is a close friend of mine and I was watching this destruction happen. I was watching but couldn't do anything about it. But I prayed that God would bring her to her knees and give her no where else to turn but to Him. There were times when I wanted to give up on her so badly. But I didn't because I couldn't. I couldn't because of how God has changed my life. I couldn't because, as I mentioned before, I saw myself in her. He didn't give up on me and He wasn't allowing me to give up on her because He wanted to use me to be the tiny light in the darkness she found herself in. But the thicker the darkness...the brighter the light can shine.

I have never seen a prayer answered like this before. Rock-bottom is where she found herself. Literally, lost and alone. But who was there? The only One who will ever be there...God.

I wish I were an eloquent writer that could describe the life-change I have seen in her since then. But I can't. She went from lost child to Beloved Daughter. All I can say is that she is a new person. New. Transformed. Forgiven. Redeemed. Loved.

I am not kidding when I say I want to cry every time I see her. Why? Because God showed me how much HE LOVES US through her. I know people talk about "God's Love" all the time but I had gotten to the point where I was like, "What the crap does that even mean? I don't feel that."

If ever there were doubt in my mind, it is no more. Jesus tells us, "blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." Well I BELIEVE and now I have SEEN! How can we not love a God who loves us like that. Who loves us so much that He is willing to SAVE US FROM OURSELVES?

Angel, like myself and many others, has been transformed from the inside out. Her perspective has changed and she is starting to see the world as Jesus does. She looks back and regrets much but also understands that she can now allow herself to be used as a light to others...and she's already shining brightly.

Life is about God and about people. It's easy to get lost in this world of deception...but that's why He gives us each other. I think I need to seriously reevaluate how I treat everyone that crosses my path...did I love them even though they can do nothing for me? Angel's path has crossed mine quite a few times...and now we're finally on the same one. I learned that it's mostly about patience and grace with each other. Not from ourselves...but from seeking God and letting Him work through us.

I thought I may have lost a friend...but now I have a new sista :)


"We are His portion and He is our prize,
DRAWN TO REDEMPTION BY THE GRACE IN HIS EYES..."
- How He Loves, John Mark McMillan

Red light district.

Trafficking= "to trade or deal in a specific commodity or service, often of an illegal nature"

It's time to speak. It's time to take action. It's time to become an ABOLITIONIST.

2 children are sold every minute.
1.2 million children are trafficked annually.
sex-trafficking is a $32billion business.
27 MILLION people are currently enslaved...which is more than double the number of Africans enslaved during the Trans-Atlantic slave trade.

The trafficking and rape of children for profit is one of the darkest stories on the planet. This physical, mental, and emotional trauma leaves children broken and scarred for life.

I think it would be awesome if we got over ourselves and started to take a look around at what's happening to our world. Here, democrats and republicans are at each other's throats about "life" and "choice." But what if we got to the root of the actual problem? What if we raised awareness and attempted to put a stop to this injustice? What if we turned off all those red lights? (A "red-light district" is a place where the sex industry flourishes...the red lights are where the brothels are located. In some places, all the lights seem to be red.)

There is a much bigger problem here. It's the problem that Jesus came to fix. It's the problem that only He can fix, but it's up to us to be His hands and feet in our short time on this earth. The problem is in our hearts. It's the broken mess we've all made of ourselves....which leads to the sickening reality of the sex-trafficking industry.

In a world that is pushing itself more and more each day into a place of loneliness and destruction....I say pro-ALIVE.

www.love146.org

Love is patient.

I coached a U10 girls soccer team this fall. We lost every single game of the season. Our last tournament was this past weekend. Coaching this team has been quite an adjustment from coaching my U16 team. It was a great experience and I loved all the girls...but it wasn't easy.

In 1 Timothy 4:12, Paul writes, "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity."

This verse has been on my mind since becoming the coach of this U10 team for one reason- the parents. Most of the parents were awesome and very supportive, but there were one or two that were very resistant and made me feel very discouraged. These few thought that I didn't know what I was doing and that they could walk all over me, just because I am a new, young coach. Most of the time, I had to ignore the things they were saying and I had to be more mature.

It's hard to get people, especially parents, to understand my coaching philosophy, even after explaining it. I feel like it goes against the way that many coaches choose to coach. I don't believe in screaming at my players and making them play out of fear of failure; or getting angry about mistakes; or becoming overly-obsessed with winning. I believe in peace instead of anger; gentleness instead of yelling; unity instead of selfishness; encouragement instead of pressure; hard work instead of individual glory; self-control instead of recklessness; learning instead of 'getting by'; patience instead of frustration.

Often times, my patience and encouragement and teaching was not accepted, probably mostly due to the fact that we weren't winning. And, that's the most important thing, right? Nope. But we are all seeing the world through different eyes so it's hard to relate sometimes. One parent decided to take things into his own hands and I had to kick him out of a practice. Yes, you read that correctly. I couldn't believe it either. Absolutely ridiculous.

Going back to what Paul said; I am young so it's hard to be the leader and enforce things, as a coach, while trying to still have respect for those older than me. I found MYSELF having to set the example. This is cheesy but, I am trying to see the world as God does. That's what we are called to do. I need to continually remind myself that most people are not trying to do this and that they do not understand why I am trying to do it. It's hard to tell parents, "well, I'm just going to try and coach the way I think Jesus would." Yeah, right. But I'm trying to be patient and, despite the discouragement, continue to coach with the vision that I have. Building players up, teaching them, and setting an example so that they are learning more than just how to be better soccer players.

I'm not trying to win the freaking World Cup. I'm trying to teach them to have an eternal perspective and teach them things that will help them to become better people: honesty, trust, unity, tenacity, determination, perseverance, leadership, discipline, competitiveness, passion. These things will then all be reflected in the way they play soccer.

So....how do I explain this to people?

The truth is, I can't. It might not be successful through the world's eyes...but I don't want the eyes of all the people just living life; I want the eyes of the One that gives life. I can only continue to 'live it' and 'coach it,' and, as Paul goes on to say, "Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers." (1 Timothy 4:16).

Eternal Splendor.

When you look around at the people and the things happening in our world it's very easy to get discouraged. There are people trying to do good, but it seems as if the evil is so much more prevalent and overwhelming. It also seems that, no matter how much we 'help,' there is always SO MUCH more to do.

In Revelation 19:11-21, the writer talks about a "...white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True." (v. 11). He goes on to say "The ARMIES OF HEAVEN were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean." (v. 14). The passage goes on to describe how this Rider destroys the "beasts" and "false prophets."

The first time I read this passage, it kinda lifted a weight off my shoulders. I think the first thing we need to realize is that THIS IS NOT OUR BATTLE. I think it's our job to do our part to provide love rather than hate but, ultimately, we are God's instruments here on earth. He is the supreme orchestrator.

Another passage that I stumbled upon, while getting frustrated about trying to change the world, haha, is Revelation 22:1-6. It paints the most beautiful picture of Heaven. "Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, as clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb down the middle of the great street of the city" (v. 1). The WATER OF LIFE. Ahhhh....refreshing, isn't it? I like to think of this beautiful, radiant-blue river, flowing through the center of all the destruction and pain in our world. It might only be a tiny stream right now but, eventually, it will flood and wash over everything. When this happens, "There will be no more night" (v. 5).

That just pumps me up! Instead of getting frustrated, I read this and realized that THIS IS NOT IT. There is more to come. As William P. Young writes in The Shack, "This life is only the anteroom of a greater reality to come. No one reaches their potential in your world. It's only preparation for what God had in mind along the way."

Some Friday-night lights and the #10 jersey.

I think the fifth-year of college should be called the "lost year." Cause that's how I feel right now. Freaking lost. College has pretty much ended but real life hasn't really begun. I'm caught in the middle. The space between...ya know? I'm not quite sure what the next step is, which is scary, confusing, and exciting all at the same time.

The question of "what am I going to do with my life?" is always lurking in the back of my brain. I know very well that I shouldn't be worried. But some important life-decisions need to be made soon. Let's just say I'm concerned, not worried. Very concerned :)

On top of all these life-changes that will be happening in the next year, something is missing. I knew this was coming. I also knew I couldn't be prepared, I just have to deal with it...

Last week. Friday night. Sitting in the stands at the UK women's soccer game. Watching the team walk across the field, exhausted, heads hanging in despair (because of tying a game they should have won). "The Rising" by Bruce Springsteen was playing on the speakers, (this song is played after every single home game and I can't get it out of my head). And that's when it finally hit me. Ten yards of green space and a fence is the closest I would ever get to being a college soccer player again.


I felt kinda sick to my stomach. This is what's missing. Something that I have been doing since I could walk. No wonder I'm so confused. It seems so stupid: kicking a round ball into a goal. But there's just something about it I guess.


I realize how ridiculous I sound right now. Give it up...right? Nope. If I were to go back in time and tell the 18 year old Kelsey that I was going to stop playing soccer at age 22, she would be freaking pissed. 'Why would you ever want to stop playing?' she would say. Great question, indeed. I miss it. I love it. I want to play again. And I will :)




"Sky of blackness and sorrow...Sky of love, sky of tears...Sky of glory and sadness...Sky of mercy, sky of fear...Sky of memory and shadow...Your burnin' wind fills my arms tonight...Sky of longing and emptiness...Sky of fullness, sky of blessed life...Come on up for the rising...Come on up, lay your hands in mine...Come on up for the rising...Come on up for the rising tonight..."

S'mores over candle light.

So, I've been here in Lexington for over 4 years and I am finally starting to really appreciate it. I live on an amazing little street known as Woodland Avenue. Three of my roommates graduated and moved out, while three new people moved in. It is weird living with new people after 4 years...but it's also great because it brings in a whole new dynamic. Directly across the street, 6 of our good friends/teammates moved in. They have added something that is one of the main reasons that I am loving Woodland even more this year....

a PORCH.

Life-changing, for real.

A few nights a week, a bunch of us just sit out on that porch, people watching, talking , and strumming guitars. We often get into deep, meaningful conversations about Jesus and about life :) It has become one of my favorite places in Lexington. It has actually made me realize how much I am going to miss this place when I leave.

I know people say this all the time, but four years have gone by so incredibly fast. I am definitely not the same person. It's funny to think of who I was back then...an 18 year old coming to a new and unfamiliar place; A student that had to figure out how to balance classes and homework without driving myself crazy; A soccer player stepping into a program that would push me beyond my mental and physical limits; A girl meeting teammates that have become my best friends and family; Just a person searching for more.

And now...I bleed BLUE; I am 22 years old and Lexington has become home; I am 4 classes (which don't stress me out anymore) and less than a semester away from graduating; I am a retired college athlete that knows what it takes and misses the uniform; I am no longer part of a team but the current and past players are my family for life; I am still just a person but, somewhere between the soccer and school and friends, I have found what it means to be alive.

So I sit on this amazing porch thinking about all this stuff. It makes me want to cry a little bit. But then I look around at the homeless person digging through the trash, and the people going out, and the cars going by. And then I look even closer at the people I'm sitting with. Some faces that I've known for 4 years, and others for only less than a year. These are the people that have gone through arguably the most challenging four years of life with me, and I with them. As my roomie roasts me a marshmallow over the tiny candle flame, I realize how much I love life and how much I appreciate the people God has put in mine.

I would like to travel back in time, as I am now, to ask that naive 18 year old 'me' what she thinks of who I have become now. There is still much growing/learning/changing to be done and I want the person that I have become now to be proud of the person I am yet to be, years from now.

It hasn't been easy. It never is, right? There are some things I regret but, mostly, I look back and smile. It's just another season of life. Stepping out of the house and onto the porch. Eventually I have to step off that porch and find a new path. There are so many paths and it's a bit confusing. So, for now, I think I will stay right here on the porch.