Where the heck are we?!?!

It's August. But I promise you that, just yesterday, it was May.

About a week ago, I walked out of my house on Woodland Avenue for the last time. But I promise you that, just yesterday, I was deciding how I was going to get my bed and dresser up that narrow stairway and which pictures I should hang on my wall.

Oh, life :)

This summer has gone by incredibly fast (as usual) and I am still processing through all the stuff I have experienced, which I will get to in a second. The summer culminated with a road trip up to Ohio and then to Kentucky to move out of my college house and on with life. A girl that I played soccer with this summer made the road trip with me. She grew up in San Diego. At one point as we were driving, one of her friends from Cali called her and asked what she was doing. She said that we were driving through Ohio to Kentucky. The girl on the phone said, "Where is that?!" She responded by saying, "I have no idea!" It was at this point that I realized I should never bring a Californian to KENTUCKY. Needless to say, I couldn't really turn around and we had a hilarious trip as she experienced the Bluegrass for the first time ever. It was full of sideways rain, horse parks, creepy old men, and SAND volleyball (which she made clear, since there is definitely no beach!)

One of the things I am learning, and will continue to learn for the rest of my life is what genuine "community" actually is. Transparency and vulnerability are 2 words that are often thrown around in regards to community. There are so many different types of people in the world and we are each so unique in our own way. I think that's awesome and beautiful because each person is a little piece of who God is. At the same time, this can also be frustrating to find people who we truly connect with. You know, people who are "picking up what we are laying down." Which is why I think that it's imperative to have people in your life to challenge and encourage you. People that you have deep, truly meaningful relationships with. People you can be real with. Because, honestly, the "surfacy" relationships just aren't going to cut it. It's not how Jesus calls us to live. These relationships take effort and risk...so be BOLD. :)

I'm also learning about gentleness. Words hurt and can pierce like a sword. As women, I think we really know how to use our words to cut others down. With as much as I love people and enjoy getting to know them, I can also be extremely critical. When I looked the word "critical" up in the thesaurus, one of the synonyms used was CRUCIFY. Dang. Jesus was crucified: nailed to a cross, beaten, pierced. So, as I'm criticizing, I'm doing the same to others. Instead of seeing them as Jesus sees them- lost, broken people looking for Truth- I'm not even giving them a chance and, in a sense, denying them forgiveness and redemption. That's pretty convicting. It's a process but, I want what I say to people to only build them up. While words have the ability to destroy, they also have a beautiful way of empowering others. It's about speaking Truth...encouraging others and making sure they feel God's Love THROUGH me.

"LET YOUR GENTLENESS BE EVIDENT TO ALL. THE LORD IS NEAR." -Philippians 4:5

Let's go, birds.

I've been in Charlotte for a month, playing soccer for the Charlotte Lady Eagles. The Eagles are W-League team (semi-pro) owned by Missionary Athletes International (MAI). MAI has a passion to share the Gospel through soccer. Ministry is done through the team, (i.e. we are a witness to the teams we play and to the fans watching, etc.), and it is also done through coaching youth camps all summer.

I absolutely LOVE it here! There is much to tell so I will try to get to the point and tell you the main stuff I am learning.

Most of us stay with host families during the season. We live in their house and they basically support us for the summer, giving us a place to live and some food, too! I love my host family. I am learning what an awesome, godly marriage looks like. They have three adorable children, all under the age of 5. I'm starting to learn what Jesus meant when he said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matt. 19:14) An example.... Hailey is the oldest of the 3 children (4yrs. old). I had only been living with them for 2 weeks at this point. I was leaving for 2 days to go to an away game. Hailey stood up on her chair, stretched her arms out as far as they would go, and said, "Kelsey, aren't you going to give me a hug and a kiss before you leave?!" Hailey is teaching me what FAITH is.

I have missed being on a team, and the people on this one are truly amazing. I have gotten close with a few of the other girls and I am learning different things from each of them. One of the girls, specifically, is teaching me about BOLDNESS. She loves Jesus and is not afraid to talk to anyone about the way he has drastically changed her life- from complete darkness and destruction (seriously, I'm not sure how she's still alive) to everlasting joy. One of the other girls is teaching me about being SILENT. I know that sounds ridiculous but there is a lot of "noise" in our world and I think it distracts us from listening. She is very quiet, taking in everything around her...and when she talks, she is full of truth. For real...few words, but straight truth. Sometimes I think she can hear the voice of God.

One of my best friends went on a mission trip to Honduras last week. When I spoke to her she told me how ridiculously poor everyone was...but then she told me how incredibly HAPPY they all were. Life is so simple...and they love it. It hit me while I was sitting in church on Sunday how drastically different it is here. Don't get me wrong, I love this church and all the people. The sermons for the past two Sundays were entitled: "How to find happiness" and "What to do when my life is falling apart." How ironic that the people in our country (the wealthiest in the world) are dying of depression and loneliness. Or is it? Jesus wasn't kidding when he said "the love of money is the root of all evil."

I find myself a little trapped in the Christian "bubble." It's amazing because I'm around so many people that are wise and that I am learning a lot from. It's also frustrating because Jesus doesn't call us to isolation...he calls us to GO out and be the light in the darkness. And oh how thick that darkness is. I think many Christians like the "bubble" because it's safe. We can all sit around and have cookouts together, in the suburbs, talking about our 'heart for the poor,' while a homeless man digs through our trash each night. I know how important it is to be in community with other believers...but I am also seeing how important it is to spend time with those who want and need LIFE. I've been thinking more and more about how to make our two 'worlds' collide. The one in which we live in (wealth) and the one that most of the world finds themselves in (poverty and destruction) are growing further and further apart. So...what does it look like for these two extremes to come together with grace and love? I'm not sure...but I'm beginning to see.

Jesus. People. Soccer.

Embracing the LIFE THAT IS TRULY LIFE (1 Timothy 6:19).

Itchy.

"This is just a phase of life. You will grow out of it."

THAT is what people have been telling me, or, more often, suggesting in the way they talk to me. We all go through a phase of wanting to 'change the world,' right? Yeah, we all feel guilty for a short period of time and then realize we are only one person and can't do anything about it so we might as well continue living in our selfish ways because it's just easier. 

Well I think that is crap. 

I went to Atlanta over spring break a few weeks ago. We were serving at a ministry located on the worst street, on the worst block, in the worst neighborhood in the state of Georgia (it has the highest rates of HIV, murder, and crime). We were hanging out with these kids and I spent most of my time with a 6 year old girl named Essence Magnetic. I know, sweet name, right? I helped her with homework and then played soccer with her for a little while. When her mom (who looked to be about 18 years old) came to pick her up, Essence looked at me and said, "Will you stay?" I had to look this precious little girl in the eyes and say, "No, I'm sorry I can't. I have to go home." She started crying as I walked out that door, my own heart aching. 

THAT makes me uncomfortable.

When I was in Los Angeles last summer, we were helping  a family move some stuff out of their "house" one afternoon. It was a family of 5; a mother and 4 kids. They lived in a garage that was approximately 10x10 yards. Their refrigerator and "kitchen" was outside with a tarp as the "roof." There was old food all over the place, junk everywhere...conditions that were not suitable for living. As we walked up to this "house" to begin to help move stuff I looked around and then I looked down to take a sip of the $4 cup of coffee I was drinking.

THAT makes me uncomfortable.

I have a surplus of what I want while others don't even have what they need.

THAT makes me uncomfortable. 

Jesus calls us to love and serve "the least of these." There is a man that digs through the trash outside my house everyday and I have never fed him.

THAT makes me uncomfortable.

I coach a girls soccer team. I watch them lose their innocence of youth more and more each day as they are confused by the pressures and lies the world is telling them about who they 'should' be and what they 'should' do. 

THAT makes me uncomfortable. 

I have friends and family whose hearts are hurting just as badly as the children living on the streets in Atlanta and in similar ways to the homeless person on the corner in Los Angeles. 

THAT makes me uncomfortable. 

As Matthew Sleeth in 'Serve God Save the Planet' writes, "What good will a billion compassionate thoughts do?...To move from thought to action we must feel some discomfort with ourselves...We may think ourselves philanthropic and generous until we see a widow giving away her last two pennies." 

COMFORT DOES NOT RESULT IN CHANGE. I am more afraid of being complacent and comfortable than I am of taking risks. Jesus tells us to "follow Him" and I sure as heck don't want to be standing in the crowd as He walks away. 

This is not a phase. This is life. This is real. I don't ever want to be complacent. It's only a phase if I choose to ignore reality and go back to my selfish bubble. I am not called to be comfortable. I am called to let my heart break for others and to love radically. People are going to continue to tell me that the problems of our world are too big to fix and that I can't help. They will tell me that I will soon grow out of this phase. 

First...I will tell them that they are wrong because we have already won. HE has already won.

Second...I will smile back at them, and then I will bend down to wash their feet. 

Tell me there is more.

There was a local high school soccer player, 16 years old, that died today. He had MRSA Staph infection and they unhooked the machine that was breathing for him after he had gone brain dead. He was running around on a soccer field five days ago and now he's gone. I don't know why I need stories like this to remind me life is so short; when the reality is, I could die tomorrow. Or in five minutes, for that matter. I should never forget how short my time here is.

A few of the girls I coach were good friends with this boy. After finding out about his passing, one of the girls texted me this: "Coach, WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIVING? Because we only live for a little while...then we die. And I wish we could just skip this part, and go onto the good stuff...because life sucks man." 

Wow. I mean, how do you even respond to that? How do you explain death to a 15 year old. Heck...I don't even understand it. The first thought that popped into my head: The answer to that question is God. Nothing makes sense without Him. Nothing. Like she said, we are only here for a "little while" and then we are gone. None of us are getting out of here alive, so why all the meaningless stuff? I'm glad she is coming to this realization at 15 rather than at 50, but I am not glad for the reason she is coming to the realization. 

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." -Matthew 6:19-21

Everyone worships something. You can tell by what they spend their money on, what they read, what they watch on tv, how they spend their time, who they look up to. Dont' you think we should all be worshiping something legit? Something that isn't superficial? Something that is meaningful? Something that gives life? Because most of this stuff isn't coming with us. Most of it doesn't mean anything. Seriously. It means NOTHING. I don't think people want to believe that. They don't want to believe it because they know it's true and they would rather have something else that makes them 'feel good' rather than something that 'IS good.'

I wish we would all stop fooling ourselves. It's not always pretty...sometimes, "life sucks man." So this can't be it. We can't be here just to live and die and rot away. We are pleasure-seeking people but we are willing to settle for meaningless things. Our souls are screaming for life eternal. It's here, my friends....and the best is yet to come. 

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." -C.S. Lewis

Come to the water's edge.

The more people I meet and talk to the more clear it becomes to me. I listen to endless stories of lives burdened with confusion, family issues, negative self-images, depression, death, drugs, addiction, loneliness....whatever it is, there is always something. We are all different. Yet...we are all the same. Hurt. 

Sometimes I wonder at what point in life we lose our eager, naive, childish joy of life to join the masses of selfish, searching-for-more adults. When does that happen? I know we are all sinful but, I feel like the life gets sucked out of all of us at some point. Like, do we wake up one morning and realize how messed up our world is? and realize how much it has messed us up?

So I'm looking at all these faces. There's always a story. I don't care how good the 'mask' is. Always a story. 

I want to tell each of these faces that their story is very important. And that hurt can turn into REST. Why do I want to tell them this? Because this is what Jesus tells us: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11: 28-30)

But...what the heck is "rest"?

If anything, my heart is restless. Restless over this messed up world. Story after story after story, (whether it's the person sitting across from me at Starbucks or a child halfway across the world), is just filled with hurt. So please, tell me what the crap "rest" is. 

And I thought about it. And I don't know if this is right but this is what I think...

Paul talks about the chaos within our hearts and says we will be "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing" (2 Corinthians 6:10). I've already talked about this "sorrow" enough, we know it's everywhere around us. But this "rejoicing"...this is what our rest is. Beyond all the destruction and loneliness in our world we have an inner peace. The peace that tells us that this is not about us. The peace that tells us we are free. The sin is here but it no longer burdens us. We literally "die" to the world meaning that we die to everything in it. We are given a new heart that still hurts...but now can be healed. We will ultimately have eternal rest, but we also have rest here and now. I like the way one of my favorite authors, Brennan Manning, writes it: "Home is not a heavenly mansion in the afterlife, but a safe place right in the midst of our anxious world."

Jesus' yoke is "easy" because he is the one carrying it for us. It doesn't mean life is perfect. Like I said, it means our hurting can now be healing. 

Someday we won't know the meaning of "hurting" anymore. Until then...let's all just chill and live in a Love that is stronger than our fear of everything being out of control. 

How to save a life.

In his book, Teaching to Change Lives, Howard Hendricks writes, "By His grace, the Holy Spirit has developed in me an incurable confidence in his ability to change people." I have this same, unwavering confidence that no one is beyond redemption...that is, God's redeeming love. It has the power to change people like I've never seen before.

Have you ever seen a life change? I mean TRANSFORMED....from the inside out. Yes, I know that God changes people everyday. Not everyone sees or experiences it, however, because we are usually too wrapped up in our own selfishness. Over the last few months I have seen a life broken and then picked up to be transformed by our Maker. Amazing. And I would like to share this story with you...

First, let me tell you that this person gave me permission to share part of her story. We are going to call her "Angel." Not her real name but I stole it from a book I recently read, so just roll with it. I am sharing her story with you because of what God has taught me through her. But more on that later.

Angel was like most of us...broken, confused, and searching. The only problem was, she thought she had it figured out. She thought she was content with "everything in moderation," giving parts of her life to God, but keeping the rest for herself. It's often hard for us to see that when we keep things from God we are limiting Him. We are telling Him, "Sorry, this is too big for you...I got this." This allows us to justify things that we know are wrong. It ultimately pushes us further and further away until we aren't sure where we are or where we came from.

Well, that's what happened to Angel. She was tearing herself apart...making a mess of who she was created to be. She found herself so far from God that she couldn't even recognize her own face in the mirror...all she saw was darkness. It seemed as if life had lost meaning and she was trying to fill the void. With what? A lifestyle that was destructive, unfulfilled, and willing to do anything. Anything other than God. Pick whatever you want, though, we all do it. I look at myself and I see her in me. The brokenness manifests itself differently in my life than in hers...but it's all the same, for all of us. It's ironic that the only thing that can and will save us is the very thing we refuse to run to. Instead, we run away. Actually, it's not ironic. It's SELFISH.

Angel is a close friend of mine and I was watching this destruction happen. I was watching but couldn't do anything about it. But I prayed that God would bring her to her knees and give her no where else to turn but to Him. There were times when I wanted to give up on her so badly. But I didn't because I couldn't. I couldn't because of how God has changed my life. I couldn't because, as I mentioned before, I saw myself in her. He didn't give up on me and He wasn't allowing me to give up on her because He wanted to use me to be the tiny light in the darkness she found herself in. But the thicker the darkness...the brighter the light can shine.

I have never seen a prayer answered like this before. Rock-bottom is where she found herself. Literally, lost and alone. But who was there? The only One who will ever be there...God.

I wish I were an eloquent writer that could describe the life-change I have seen in her since then. But I can't. She went from lost child to Beloved Daughter. All I can say is that she is a new person. New. Transformed. Forgiven. Redeemed. Loved.

I am not kidding when I say I want to cry every time I see her. Why? Because God showed me how much HE LOVES US through her. I know people talk about "God's Love" all the time but I had gotten to the point where I was like, "What the crap does that even mean? I don't feel that."

If ever there were doubt in my mind, it is no more. Jesus tells us, "blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe." Well I BELIEVE and now I have SEEN! How can we not love a God who loves us like that. Who loves us so much that He is willing to SAVE US FROM OURSELVES?

Angel, like myself and many others, has been transformed from the inside out. Her perspective has changed and she is starting to see the world as Jesus does. She looks back and regrets much but also understands that she can now allow herself to be used as a light to others...and she's already shining brightly.

Life is about God and about people. It's easy to get lost in this world of deception...but that's why He gives us each other. I think I need to seriously reevaluate how I treat everyone that crosses my path...did I love them even though they can do nothing for me? Angel's path has crossed mine quite a few times...and now we're finally on the same one. I learned that it's mostly about patience and grace with each other. Not from ourselves...but from seeking God and letting Him work through us.

I thought I may have lost a friend...but now I have a new sista :)


"We are His portion and He is our prize,
DRAWN TO REDEMPTION BY THE GRACE IN HIS EYES..."
- How He Loves, John Mark McMillan

Red light district.

Trafficking= "to trade or deal in a specific commodity or service, often of an illegal nature"

It's time to speak. It's time to take action. It's time to become an ABOLITIONIST.

2 children are sold every minute.
1.2 million children are trafficked annually.
sex-trafficking is a $32billion business.
27 MILLION people are currently enslaved...which is more than double the number of Africans enslaved during the Trans-Atlantic slave trade.

The trafficking and rape of children for profit is one of the darkest stories on the planet. This physical, mental, and emotional trauma leaves children broken and scarred for life.

I think it would be awesome if we got over ourselves and started to take a look around at what's happening to our world. Here, democrats and republicans are at each other's throats about "life" and "choice." But what if we got to the root of the actual problem? What if we raised awareness and attempted to put a stop to this injustice? What if we turned off all those red lights? (A "red-light district" is a place where the sex industry flourishes...the red lights are where the brothels are located. In some places, all the lights seem to be red.)

There is a much bigger problem here. It's the problem that Jesus came to fix. It's the problem that only He can fix, but it's up to us to be His hands and feet in our short time on this earth. The problem is in our hearts. It's the broken mess we've all made of ourselves....which leads to the sickening reality of the sex-trafficking industry.

In a world that is pushing itself more and more each day into a place of loneliness and destruction....I say pro-ALIVE.

www.love146.org